My Dad

For those of you who do not already know, my dad passed away from esophageal cancer just over two months ago. I thought about writing on this blog a few times since then, but just didn’t have the strength to do so. There are no words to describe the pain, the hurt, and the absence that myself and my family have been going through. This is not how it was supposed to happen. This was not our plan. My dad is everything to me and we shared so much, including this battle of cancer. For over 30 years, he was my dad, my friend, my role model. He passed so much down to me…..love of Philly sports teams, love of Ireland, love of family, love of travel, love of country, and love of life. We shared everything and had so much in common…..down to our names. As the story goes, I was born six weeks early and in quite rapid fashion. My dad was still parking the car at the hospital the day I was born and when he got to the room where my mom was, he arrived to an early Christmas present: his second son who my parents were going to name Sean. But, in that moment, my mom looked at me and looked at him, and said that I had to be Danny, and from then on I was always Little Danny and always trying to follow the lead of Big Dan. So, it was somehow fitting that we were both diagnosed with cancer within three months of each other. For a father and son who had always shared the same loves and passions (we both cried together in awe when we finally made it out to a notre dame game and he also waited with me for hours after a Chicago Bulls game so that I could get a glimpse of the bus that Michael Jordan was on), we were going to share this fight and we were going to beat this together. In fitting with his humble character (I can say, without bias, that he is the smartest person I have ever known, even though he never graduated from college and never would admit his intelligence), he immediately focused his attention on helping me beat this Leukemia. He was almost relieved that the attention could be off him and he even often devoted some of his own blog to talking about my successes in this battle. We shared horror stories of our symptoms and our treatments, both shaved our heads, and often even went for treatments on the same day. Father and son went into this together and father and son were supposed to come out of this together. We all knew that his prognosis was much worse but we still always believed that we would win our fights together and we did not dwell on other possibilities, although I am sure he had accepted what was possible and was at peace with it. In the end, he may not have beaten cancer, but he certainly wrote the book on how to fight it. He set the example to me of how to fight this with courage, laughter, prayer, and positivity. He did everything that was ever asked of him by the doctors and then some. And, through all of the pain and terrible chemo symptoms, he lived. He and my mom went to Disney World….twice during his treatments, they traveled to Pittsburgh, Philly, DC, and wherever else family was having a gathering, Notre Dame was playing football, or there were friends to see. He danced with my wife at our wedding. He volunteered, sung carols at nursing homes, prayed, laughed, and LIVED. I am grateful that I had him to go through this with because he showed me how to do it. Even in his final hours on July 25th, he showed strength and courage. The last thing we asked him to do was to hang on and wait for my bother and sister-in-law, Joe and Sarah, to get to Hershey so say goodbye. The doctors were unsure he could wait that long, but he did…so our whole family could be together one last time on earth. And when they got there, my brother Joe was able to whisper the name of his first grandson into my dad’s ear. So, my dad was able to know his grandson (due in December) by name before he passed away and I know that we will see so much of my dad in my nephew. I cannot wait for this.

So this was not the plan. We were supposed to beat this together. He said many times that he would do anything to take this away from me so that I didn’t have to go through it….because he knew exactly how hard it was. Now we all have this void, this gap that will never be filled but we know that we must move on and must live life to the fullest….that’s what he wants. He always valued me beating cancer over him beating cancer, so that is what I am going to do. I am going to finish off this fight for us. I don’t have him to do it with anymore but I have him now to help me through it and I have him to do it for. That’s what he wants. I have my amazing wife, my mom who is a beacon of strength and love, my brother, my sister-in-law, my nephew!!!, my amazing friend, and my wife’s family. I would be nowhere without all of them. We have shared this grief as a family and we will continue to live life as a family, just like my dad would want. Hanna and I talk almost everyday about my dad and the things that remind us of him. I can’t turn on the TV, walk down the street, or watch the news without my mind being turned toward my dad one way or the other. But the thing that brings me closet to him is when I go to the hospital to get chemo or to hear news about my treatment. I know my dad was smiling when I got news a couple weeks ago that my latest bone marrow biopsy was negative. There was no sign at all of the return of any cancer. My latest spinal tap also confirmed those results. I am right on track to put this treatment behind me with one more year of chemo and treatments. There are still many unfortunate and painful side effects to the chemo which I live with everyday but that is okay. I am often afraid of what might happen but I won't let that fear take over. I will do everything asked and everything it takes to beat this and to LIVE while doing so….cause that’s what my dad did. For those of you who knew my dad as Meatball, Dan, Danny, Big Dan, Uncle Dan, brother, Mr. Lyons, you know a little bit about what I am talking about. You know this man was inspiring in such a humble way. I was blown away by your presence, your love, and your support at his funeral and afterward. Thank you so much. For those of you who never got to know him, I wish you could have, but I hope you can know a little bit of him through knowing me and my family. I will try to live my life with the simple joy and gratitude that he showed every day, right to the end. I will raise my children the way my parents raised my brother and I and my dad will be present through it all.

I will beat this cancer….for me, for my family, but especially for my dad, cause this was our fight together and we are still going to beat this together. I can’t do it without him and, even though he is not physically here, I know I am still doing this with him. I love you and I miss you everyday, Dad, and I hope to make you proud.

ALL will be well

Little Danny

“Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway” --John Wayne


Here we are at the World Series.....here's to the Phils getting back there this year!

Two Years In

Well, it is truly amazing that June 8th has rolled around once again. It was two years ago this morning that I recieved a phone call that changed my life forever. I will never forget that panic and fear. Luckily, I was instantly surrounded by God, friends, family, and amazing doctors and nurses. I have been taken care of and loved every day since. I am so blessed to continue to be in remission and doing well. I am still taking daily oral chemo, monthly IV chemo, and spianl taps every three months (just finished having them every month!!). These all have their side effects that I manage daily, but they are well worth it when I look back at where I came from. Since last year, things have quieted down a whole lot. I have finished my first year in the phd program at George Washington, celebrated a year of wedded bliss, traveled to New Orleans and Alabama, and just basically started gaining my strength (and hair!) back. I feel stronger and more my pre-cancer self everyday. We are so lucky to get to spend time with our nephew and are so excited to welcome two new nieces/nephews this year. This day is also very special because my goddaughter turns one which is a way better thing to celebrate than any of this cancer nonsense. Hanna and I are finally planning the honeymoon that we didn't get to go on to Costa Rica so I am super excited to hang with some toucans, three toed sloths, and my beautiful bride for a week this summer. I am so lucky to spend every day with Hanna and we never lose sight of how fortunate we are. She challenges me, inspires me, and makes me laugh on a daily basis. She walked every step of these two years with me and fixed many a bad day with that perfect smile.

Mainly I just wanted to report that things are still on schedule, there have been no setbacks, and I am still pounding this cancer out of me. Writing on this blog really helped me through the first year and I am so thankful for those of you who read this, journeyed with me, loved me, supported me, and carried me. Also, I ask for continued prayers for all those fighting against cancer and sickness. My dad is still in the midst of his battle and showing his strength every day. He has endured many rounds of chemo and radiation and has shown me what it means to be brave and courageous, while my mom continues to define selflessness and hold his hand (and everyone elses) every step of the way. I love them both so much. Aunt Nora is also showing cancer that it is not welcome in our family. She is such a strong woman and I learn so much from her grace as she fights with everything she has.

Cancer is a nasty, indiscriminate beast and invades when least ideal or expected. It does not care who you are, what you believe, or what your plans are. I am lucky enough to have been able to get rid of it but many are not as lucky and there is no rhyme or reason to that. I feel lucky but I feel sick for those I have met along this way that are not as lucky. The doctors, nurses, and medicines are getting better and I am just ready for this world to be done with cancer. I am hopeful that we get to see that happen in our lifetimes.

Wasn't sure what I was going to write today but I just wanted to continue to say thank you to all those who have helped me in the last two years. This is not a fight I thought I would be in at 30 years old but we are in it, we will keep fighting, and we will win. thank you for everything and

ALL will be well

"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death"

One Year Later

Well, it was just a year ago today that we all started googling Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia for the first time. In many ways, the year flew by and, at other times, it was incredibly difficult and dragging. In all honesty, the good and the blessed has outweighed the bad this year. I got engaged and then got married to the most beautiful, remarkable, loving girl I have ever known. That pretty much says it all right there. I became an uncle to a future Nats draft pick. I also got accepted into a graduate program and relocated to northern virginia as a married man ;) There were also 5ks, hikes, marrow drives and many other initiatives to spread the word and work toward a cure for Leukemia and all other blood cancers. There was the joy of sharing this experience with my dad and knowing that we had each other to lean on....and we are both still here and thriving. There was the wedding of my lifelong friend, turned brother-in-law which I would not have missed for the world. There were also Eagles games, Sixers games, Phillies games, and a drive toward the Cup for the Flyers. And, finally, on the year anniversary of my diagnosis, my friends Luke and Meg gave birth to a beautifully healthy baby girl named Clare. She is innocent and perfect and truly represents all that is good in life. Having Clare be born today brought so much perspective to the majesty of life. It is so fragile and yet so enduring. Life is our gift from God and I am anxious to spend the rest of my life returning that gift. This year of battling cancer further opened my eyes to the beauty of family, friends, and God.

As far as my treatment has been going, I am getting adjusted to my new doctors and nurses at Georgetown Cancer Institute. Everybody there has been so positive and helpful and encouraging. My primary oncologist is Dr. Broome and she is very personable and always willing to listen to me. One of the infusion nurses is actually a friend of mine from college, Mary Ellen. It was so relieving to see a familiar face in a new place. She made me feel at home instantly, as has everybody else. I am going in for chemo once a month and bloodwork twice a month. My first treatment had to be postponed because my daily chemo pills made my liver enzymes rise and my blood counts fall a bit. Dr. Broome assured me that this is all part of the maintenance phase and somthing that we will balance for the next few years. My liver and blood rebounded and treatments are back on track; I just had my first spinal tap and chemo this past Friday. Everything seemed to go well and I resumed the full chemo and pill regimen......which should last about two and a half more years.

Living with Hanna has been every dream come true. We are enjoying Virginia and married life. It is also nice to have a little bit of time to relax before I start school in August. That will be the next step on this adventure and i am really looking forward to it.

So, I just wanted to reach out to everybody that has walked at my side (and sometimes carried me) this past year. I am confident that I would not be where I am without your prayers and your love. Cancer at 28 was a true shot to the gut, but cancer survivor at 29 and beyond is something that I could get used to. Much love, God bless, keep praying and know that

ALL Will Be Well,

Dan

"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; or you can live as if everything is a miracle"

Livin' on Cloud 9

It has been quite a bit of time since I have written here and so much has happened in the last month…..all very good! The highlight of my 29 years came true, along with all my dreams, when Hanna Jo walked down the aisle toward me on April 10^th. I could never have imagined a more stunning bride. We celebrated our sacrament and then celebrated all evening with many of our family and friends. It was truly a perfect day and I thank everybody that was there, everybody that couldn’t make it, and everybody that was thinking of us and praying for us as our day approached. Our parents played such a huge role, as did all of our siblings, and I thank them all so much. And after 11 days of marriage, I have to say that I am a big fan so far…haha. Life is awesome. I wish we could have spent more time with loved ones who made the trip, especially those that came from far distances….Colin and Kathleen, Jason and Erika, Sally, Uncle Sonny and Aunt Penny, Uncle Laddie and Aunt Aurelia……and lots more. Anyway, I am still residing somewhere in the vicinity of cloud 9 and plan to stay there for quite some time.

The next bit of good news is that I have been accepted and fully funded into the PhD economics program at George Washington University in Washington DC. I’m really excited to further pursue my studies and begin working toward a long-term goal of becoming a college professor. I had been hoping that this would work out for quite some time and am so excited that tings are finally falling into place. I had to defer a similar offer this time last year because of my ALL diagnosis so it is awesome to get back to where I wanted to be. Hanna is already living and working in Alexandria, VA so I’ll be joining her down there in less than two weeks!!! I am so ready for this and so excited to start our married life together down in the DC area. We will both be on school schedules too so that should leave some good time this summer to visit family, hit up some weddings, and do some traveling.

Because of all this, I have been looking for a place in the DC area to continue my treatment. It is looking like that place will be Georgetown Hospital Cancer Center but that is still not confirmed. I am waiting to hear from one of the oncologists there. Hopefully, that will be confirmed this week. My treatment is still far from routine but I am getting used to it, since it will be a part of my life for the next several years. I am taking two chemo pills orally, a steroid, and receiving IV chemo and a spinal tap on a monthly basis. None of that is all that fun but it is worlds better than what I was going through a few months ago. One of the oral pills has a very high dosage and that caused my blood counts to drop last week and Dr. Claxton advised that I stop taking the pills for a week. My counts bounced back a bit and I re-started yesterday, after a meeting with Dr. Claxton. I will be out at Hershey for chemo on Friday and that could possibly be my last time out there. I can’t say enough about the care that I received from Hershey. Dr. Claxton and all of the nurses, PAs, NPs, and staff of the Infusion Center have become like family to me. I could not have asked for anything better. I will miss them all but look forward to staying in touch with them and meeting the new staff down at G-Town (hopefully!)

This month has been one to remember and one full of unbelievable highs. Thank you all for being a part of this journey with me…..i truly don’t know where I would be without you. Your love helped me to stay strong, keep my faith, and stay focused on the finish line…….and, although I am not there yet, it feels good to be many strides closer. I ask that you continue to pray for my health and continue to pray for so many who are afflicted by cancer….particularly my dad and a good friend in NY who will be having surgery in the near future. Still believing that….

ALL Will Be Well

“Love Never Fails” -- 1 Corinthians 13:8

".....Hope Can Set You Free"

18 days and counting!!

Between finally having some nice weather, the regaining of a lot of strength and energy, and, oh yeah, getting ready for my marriage which is in 18 days (!!!!!), I have neglected my blog a little bit. I am sorry about that. I have just been so excited to be able to be outside and to have the strength to walk more than a few steps. It has been great. There are still lots of fears and some difficulties….i am taking a fistful of pills everyday and still need to have blood drawn twice a month and get IV chemo and a spinal tap once a month (i.e. this treatment is not all that fun), I have also had a pretty under the weather the last week. I think it is just a normal cold and my immune system isn’t quite back to its old self yet so its is just kind of lingering around. But, for the most part, I am feeling so much healthier and life is very very good. Plus, the thought of making some vows to the prettiest girl I know in a couple weeks kind of keeps me going strong.

Besides trying to gain my weight back (I have added about 20 lbs from when I was at my lowest), watching my NCAA bracket go up in flames. I consider myself to be a pretty lucky guy and I have had some successes at gambling, but Mach Madness has never been my forte. I am always so confident and usually using up the ink on my red pen by the end of the first weekend. I still love the tourney though and have been hanging on lots of the games this year.

An acquaintance of my cousin Lisa is in the running for a grant from Pepsi Co. She is the mother of three beautiful children and has lost 2 of them to infant ALL. It is heart-wrenching to even write that and I can’t imagine the heartache she must have experienced. The remaining child is a twin of one that passed away and is also very susceptible to the cancer. Somehow, this mom has garnered the strength to stand up and fight. She wants to open a center for other families in similar situations. That is why she needs this grant. If everybody could take the time to vote for her at (www.refresheverything.com/ErinsDream) and to spread the word about her remarkable story, I would greatly appreciate it. Her website is www.erinsdream.org. Her story, her attitude, and her faith put things into perspective for me and I hope that she wins so that she can use her story to bring peace and love back to the minds of other parents. During Lent especially, this is the kind of sacrificial love that truly inspires.

Anyway…..thanks for the continued prayers for myself, my dad, my family, and my upcoming marriage. They have been my strength and my security this year and will continue to be. I’d be lost without my friends. I’m gonna keep knocking this cancer down until it has no chance of standing back up and, no matter what............

ALL Will Be Well

“Love Never Fails”

The Results.....

My bone marrow was still clear of any traces of leukemia....whew!! I think my massive exhale could be heard throughout the tri-state area. My blood counts were also good so I will be starting the 5th and final course of chemo tomorrow at 10am. I will be getting a spinal tap and one other form of chemo as well as starting a whole new regimen of pills. Say some prayers that my body responds well and can handle this course. Time to go crack some champagne, dance in the streets.....or, more realistically, watch some more curling. Never forget that..

ALL Will Be Well

"The end for which we are created invites us to walk a road that is surely sown with a lot of thorns, but it is not sad; through even the sorrow, it is illuminated by joy."

A New Man

It has now been a few weeks since I have had any chemo or any treatments at all. It is amazing how much more "normal" I feel. Just in these few weeks, my body has begun to recover. I have gained a little bit of weight, a little bit of strength, and alot of energy. I am walking more, eating more, and feeling way more like the Dan of about a year ago. I had truly forgotten what it was like to feel this way. I've been a little bit on top of the world the last few weeks. I think that might also have a little something to do with the fact that I soon get to be husband to the girl of my dreams.

Last week I had a bone marrow biopsy that will tell if the Leukemia is still in remission. This was a pretty rough biopsy because they had trouble shaving off a piece of the marrow and the doctor had to drill into my hip bone 3 different times until she was able to get the sample. This left me quite sore for the next couple of days.......there is something about taking a screwdriver to my hip bone (at least that's what I imagine is happening) that just doesn't sit that well with me. Anyway, I have a meeting with my oncologist, Dr. Claxton, today to discuss the results of the biopsy. So I have been nervous this week and letting my mind wander with the possibilities. So I will be happy to get in there today and get some good news. If my marrow is still leukemia-free (this is where the prayers come in), I will be cleared to start the 5th and final course of treatment. This is the long-term, maintenance treatment that is scheduled to last for the next 3 years (a little overwhelming when you think about it). But, this treatment is going to be way, way less intense and the doctors said I should be able to get back to a normal life during it. I will only be getting chemo injections once a month and most of the side effects should be pretty muted. My hair should also start to grow back.....I will be looking like Shaun White before you know it.

So, say some prayers that today's meeting brings nothing but good news. I just can't wait to get back to my old self and dive back into life. That does not mean I will be the same exact person. I have learned so much about faith, family, friendship, priorities, and perseverance through this journey. I will never forget any part of it and I hope to use these lessons to make myself better, help others, and live a more full life.

Well, I guess I had better get back to watching curling. This has been me and evan's favorite pasttime during the olympics. This sport has grown on me every day, plus how cool is an olympic sport where you could very easily be drinking a beer while playing. I'm gonna start prepapring for my bid for the 2014 games.....wish me luck.

I will let everybody know the results from my meeting today. Thanks for the prayers and thanks for being there. I can only imagine where I would be without the love and support of so many people. I couldn't have made it through the last 8 months. Much love and

ALL Will Be Well (hopefully pretty soon!)

“You can only come to the morning through the shadows.”

"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it. "