Day by.....more like, minute by minute

The last two weeks have presented quite a number of challenges. I'm sorry for not writing but it has been a rough go of things. The Keith Urban concert was great.....I wasn't able to get a bling'ed out belt buckle in time, but I was looking pretty 'cowboy' if I don't say so myself. It was a new kind of concert experience. I really was not feeling well that day so there was no tailgating, I wore a mask, and we dad in the "reserved" section, which is the little platform with fold-out chairs for people in wheelchairs and with other disabilities. That actually turned out to be kinda fun cause they were in a good location, we had nobody in front of us and we could move around a bit. All in all, it was alot of fun.

After the concert, I really started to feel quite sick.....just feverish really. I had alot of aches and pains and chills and would get really cold and was unable to warm myself up. Then for about three of four days I had the worst headache of my life (and that is saying alot as those of you that have lived with me know all so well). It was constant and it was awful. It made it pretty hard to do anything. I was confined to Evan's couch....of which there are many worse places in this world...he is quite the cook and he took good care of me, along with Hanna, Mrs. Gabler, my parents and everybody else around the H-burg. I took every pain killer they would let me take and nothing really worked all that well. Then, remarkably, last weekend it went away for good but my fever symptoms started to get worse. There seemed to be no end to all of this. My body felt like it was in surrender mode. So on tuesdy I went in for a blood transfusion, expecting to be there for a few hours, and didn't get home until Saturday. They admited me to the hospital for my fever and infection and I was there or four nights getting pumped with fluids and antibiotics. The first few days were miserable because I felt so ill all day, then the next few days were terrible because I was eating rubbery scrambled eggs and watching law and order all day. That was a good sign that I was feeling better. The more you realize how bad hospital food is, the healthier you are and more ready you are to come home.....thats good rule of thumb.

So I was released on Saturday and have been tired and recooping at home, but I feel a million times better. This is the best I have felt in weeks. They even had to postpone the chemo that I was supposed to get last Thursday because I was not strong enough until Saturday just before I left. That means that Friday will mark the halfway point for Course II.....Saturday I will start the second half. It will feel so good to be on the way to being done with this course. It has really roughed me up more than ever.....but I am standing tall, flexing my muscles (or whatever ones are left) and takng steps foreward. Its the only thing to do and i know I have so many people to lean on to get it done. At times this week, I really did have to shift from a 'one day at a time' attitude to a 'one minute at a time' attitude. It was so overwhelming and so frustrating that it was the only way to get through.....and it helped. I also had a great conversation with an old, white-bearded, African Dominican priest while in the hospital. He told me to take this time to appreciate the silence. I took that to heart. We don't do that in our lives and I am going to keep that with me. It helped in the hospital.....although there is less silence there than you may think.....haha, for example, they decide that the best time to take your weight is at 5am for some reason. But, for real, everybody should appreciate silence more often. Its a beautiful thing, it gives clarity, and can help you see things anew.

That has been my journey over the last two weeks. I hope the next two are not so bad. But, no matter what, I know I will get through them. One more thing to share since the last post. My brother was not a match for my marrow. But that is okay....we will just move on and do everything we can. If I need a transplant, it will be from a non-related donor and I will succeed. If I don't need a transplant, I will succeed just the same. It does lead me to encourage people moreso to register for the donor list. it really does save lives.

Well, its getting late and I'm watching Venus trying to survive the first round of the U.S. Open which probably means that it is time for bed. Love and prayers to everybody and.......

ALL will be well


"Diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body."...so true