My bone marrow was still clear of any traces of leukemia....whew!! I think my massive exhale could be heard throughout the tri-state area. My blood counts were also good so I will be starting the 5th and final course of chemo tomorrow at 10am. I will be getting a spinal tap and one other form of chemo as well as starting a whole new regimen of pills. Say some prayers that my body responds well and can handle this course. Time to go crack some champagne, dance in the streets.....or, more realistically, watch some more curling. Never forget that..
ALL Will Be Well
"The end for which we are created invites us to walk a road that is surely sown with a lot of thorns, but it is not sad; through even the sorrow, it is illuminated by joy."
Thursday, February 25, 2010
A New Man
It has now been a few weeks since I have had any chemo or any treatments at all. It is amazing how much more "normal" I feel. Just in these few weeks, my body has begun to recover. I have gained a little bit of weight, a little bit of strength, and alot of energy. I am walking more, eating more, and feeling way more like the Dan of about a year ago. I had truly forgotten what it was like to feel this way. I've been a little bit on top of the world the last few weeks. I think that might also have a little something to do with the fact that I soon get to be husband to the girl of my dreams.
Last week I had a bone marrow biopsy that will tell if the Leukemia is still in remission. This was a pretty rough biopsy because they had trouble shaving off a piece of the marrow and the doctor had to drill into my hip bone 3 different times until she was able to get the sample. This left me quite sore for the next couple of days.......there is something about taking a screwdriver to my hip bone (at least that's what I imagine is happening) that just doesn't sit that well with me. Anyway, I have a meeting with my oncologist, Dr. Claxton, today to discuss the results of the biopsy. So I have been nervous this week and letting my mind wander with the possibilities. So I will be happy to get in there today and get some good news. If my marrow is still leukemia-free (this is where the prayers come in), I will be cleared to start the 5th and final course of treatment. This is the long-term, maintenance treatment that is scheduled to last for the next 3 years (a little overwhelming when you think about it). But, this treatment is going to be way, way less intense and the doctors said I should be able to get back to a normal life during it. I will only be getting chemo injections once a month and most of the side effects should be pretty muted. My hair should also start to grow back.....I will be looking like Shaun White before you know it.
So, say some prayers that today's meeting brings nothing but good news. I just can't wait to get back to my old self and dive back into life. That does not mean I will be the same exact person. I have learned so much about faith, family, friendship, priorities, and perseverance through this journey. I will never forget any part of it and I hope to use these lessons to make myself better, help others, and live a more full life.
Well, I guess I had better get back to watching curling. This has been me and evan's favorite pasttime during the olympics. This sport has grown on me every day, plus how cool is an olympic sport where you could very easily be drinking a beer while playing. I'm gonna start prepapring for my bid for the 2014 games.....wish me luck.
I will let everybody know the results from my meeting today. Thanks for the prayers and thanks for being there. I can only imagine where I would be without the love and support of so many people. I couldn't have made it through the last 8 months. Much love and
ALL Will Be Well (hopefully pretty soon!)
“You can only come to the morning through the shadows.”
"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it. "
Last week I had a bone marrow biopsy that will tell if the Leukemia is still in remission. This was a pretty rough biopsy because they had trouble shaving off a piece of the marrow and the doctor had to drill into my hip bone 3 different times until she was able to get the sample. This left me quite sore for the next couple of days.......there is something about taking a screwdriver to my hip bone (at least that's what I imagine is happening) that just doesn't sit that well with me. Anyway, I have a meeting with my oncologist, Dr. Claxton, today to discuss the results of the biopsy. So I have been nervous this week and letting my mind wander with the possibilities. So I will be happy to get in there today and get some good news. If my marrow is still leukemia-free (this is where the prayers come in), I will be cleared to start the 5th and final course of treatment. This is the long-term, maintenance treatment that is scheduled to last for the next 3 years (a little overwhelming when you think about it). But, this treatment is going to be way, way less intense and the doctors said I should be able to get back to a normal life during it. I will only be getting chemo injections once a month and most of the side effects should be pretty muted. My hair should also start to grow back.....I will be looking like Shaun White before you know it.
So, say some prayers that today's meeting brings nothing but good news. I just can't wait to get back to my old self and dive back into life. That does not mean I will be the same exact person. I have learned so much about faith, family, friendship, priorities, and perseverance through this journey. I will never forget any part of it and I hope to use these lessons to make myself better, help others, and live a more full life.
Well, I guess I had better get back to watching curling. This has been me and evan's favorite pasttime during the olympics. This sport has grown on me every day, plus how cool is an olympic sport where you could very easily be drinking a beer while playing. I'm gonna start prepapring for my bid for the 2014 games.....wish me luck.
I will let everybody know the results from my meeting today. Thanks for the prayers and thanks for being there. I can only imagine where I would be without the love and support of so many people. I couldn't have made it through the last 8 months. Much love and
ALL Will Be Well (hopefully pretty soon!)
“You can only come to the morning through the shadows.”
"Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it. "
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Recouping....
Well, the day has finally come. I'm still not sure that I believe it just yet but the worst of the treatment is supposedly behind me now. Course 4 finished up without any issues and that closed the book on the most aggressive part of the chemo. Now they are giving me a week or so off while my immune system and blood counts recover. Once they recover and stabilize, I will have to have a bone marrow biopsy (I already told them to check their morphine stock!). The results will show whether I am still in remission and if the cancer is still in retreat.....which it will be, if it knows what's good for it! If everything is looking good, I will start course 5 which lasts another two years but only involves a small amount of chemo and much fewer hospital visits. The side effects will also be much less prominent and I should be growing my hair back and getting my energy back......by summertime I will be ready to audition for the next season of 'Jersey Shore'...haha
Now I am in a bit of limbo because I am finished with the treatments and I am so incredibly ready to gain energy (and a few pounds) and get back up to speed with life but my body is still feeling the effects of the chemo and my immunity is still way down. It will take a few weeks to work the poison out of my body and to build up my immunity so I will just have to take it slowly for a little bit longer. But as Punxsutawney Phil reminded us this morning, we have some more time of being cold and having fires and drinking hot chocolate, so I can handle a few more slow paced weeks.
Its now just over 2 months til Hanna and I start our family together. I can't wait for everything that will come along with that. I think we got a bit of a headstart on "dealing with crises" so maybe we will catch some slack down the road.....I'm talking to you Powerball. We are going on our pre-marriage retreat this weekend so any thoughts and prayers will be appreciated. We have done a pretty good job on staying on top of the planning "stuff" (at least, I hope we are) with tons of help from family and friends.
Thanks for always listening to my rambling thoughts. Your support and prayers have been as important as anything throughout this year.
Life is good and
ALL Will Be Well
“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”
Now I am in a bit of limbo because I am finished with the treatments and I am so incredibly ready to gain energy (and a few pounds) and get back up to speed with life but my body is still feeling the effects of the chemo and my immunity is still way down. It will take a few weeks to work the poison out of my body and to build up my immunity so I will just have to take it slowly for a little bit longer. But as Punxsutawney Phil reminded us this morning, we have some more time of being cold and having fires and drinking hot chocolate, so I can handle a few more slow paced weeks.
Its now just over 2 months til Hanna and I start our family together. I can't wait for everything that will come along with that. I think we got a bit of a headstart on "dealing with crises" so maybe we will catch some slack down the road.....I'm talking to you Powerball. We are going on our pre-marriage retreat this weekend so any thoughts and prayers will be appreciated. We have done a pretty good job on staying on top of the planning "stuff" (at least, I hope we are) with tons of help from family and friends.
Thanks for always listening to my rambling thoughts. Your support and prayers have been as important as anything throughout this year.
Life is good and
ALL Will Be Well
“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”
Friday, January 22, 2010
counting down the days......
There are officially 4 more days left in this 4th course of treatment. I vividly remember counting this number in months and not even being able to consider the end. The 4th course has probably been the most difficult and I will not be sorry to see it go but I have been encouraged through the tough times because I knew there was a light, shining brighter, at the end of the tunnel. That thought helped me to get through the last couple weeks because the treatment knocked me down pretty hard. My counts bottomed out and I ended up in the hospital for 5 days with a neutrapenic fever and a pretty terrible migraine. Basically, that means that my fever spiked and I was at a high risk for infection so they wanted to keep me in the hospital to ensure I don't catch anything. They pumped me with antibiotics and I just waited it out. The headache that I had when I went in there was beyond excruciating. It's hard to even describe. I couldn't see straight and I couldn't focus on anything.....easily some of the worst pain I ever had. I guess that sometimes after a spinal tap, the brain doesn't settle properly in the skull because fluid is removed and the brain can "bounce" around a bit which causes these headaches. After a few days, it finally eased up and everthing became more bearable. After 5 days in there, which was more than enough for me, they finally let me go home with some antibiotics in pill form. As "un-fun" as the experience was (and I would put it up there with watching a "thirtysomething" marathon), I can't say enough about the doctors, nurses, and staff of Hershey Medical Center. They have always been amazing and that was certainly the case during this stay.
So now I am home and excited to be winding this course down. I will have my last chemo treatment on Tuesday and then meet with Dr. Claxton on Thursday to discuss the next course and when it will begin!! This 5th and final course will last about 3 years (ugh!) but let's not dwell on that just yet, I know some people who took 3 years to complete their Senior year of college. But, in all seriousness, it should be alot more managable. Treatments will only be about once a month, my blood counts won't be as affected, and my hair should grow back....look out "guy from Twilight". Basically, I should get back to a normal life even during this course....I like the sound of that.
Other than fighting off these infections, Hanna and I have delved into heavy duty wedding planning mode. We have a meeting with the cake guy.....I lobbied for getting the Ace of Cakes but I don't see it happening......on Saturday. That should be pretty fun actually, then we are gonna tackle the invitations and we are well on our way. In less than 3 months I will be standing at the altar with my wife....I can't imagine a more amazing thought....it gives me goosebumps. The blessings of that moment will make these trials seem a bit more miniscule.
Well, I guess that is about it. I will continue to fight hard and to beat this thing into the ground for as long as necessary....then I hope to help others beat it down too. My dad is doing well. They are going to adjust his chemo dosage which will hopefully give him more energy and make him feel better. And my mom is the saint she has always been.....somehow that little lady has the strength of an ox. Its amazing. As always, much love and thanks to everybody reading this. You have helped me every step of the way, even if you don't know it. Thank you, God bless, and
ALL Will Be Well
"At the end of our life, we shall all be judged by charity" -- St. John of the Cross
"A person's a person, no matter how small"
So now I am home and excited to be winding this course down. I will have my last chemo treatment on Tuesday and then meet with Dr. Claxton on Thursday to discuss the next course and when it will begin!! This 5th and final course will last about 3 years (ugh!) but let's not dwell on that just yet, I know some people who took 3 years to complete their Senior year of college. But, in all seriousness, it should be alot more managable. Treatments will only be about once a month, my blood counts won't be as affected, and my hair should grow back....look out "guy from Twilight". Basically, I should get back to a normal life even during this course....I like the sound of that.
Other than fighting off these infections, Hanna and I have delved into heavy duty wedding planning mode. We have a meeting with the cake guy.....I lobbied for getting the Ace of Cakes but I don't see it happening......on Saturday. That should be pretty fun actually, then we are gonna tackle the invitations and we are well on our way. In less than 3 months I will be standing at the altar with my wife....I can't imagine a more amazing thought....it gives me goosebumps. The blessings of that moment will make these trials seem a bit more miniscule.
Well, I guess that is about it. I will continue to fight hard and to beat this thing into the ground for as long as necessary....then I hope to help others beat it down too. My dad is doing well. They are going to adjust his chemo dosage which will hopefully give him more energy and make him feel better. And my mom is the saint she has always been.....somehow that little lady has the strength of an ox. Its amazing. As always, much love and thanks to everybody reading this. You have helped me every step of the way, even if you don't know it. Thank you, God bless, and
ALL Will Be Well
"At the end of our life, we shall all be judged by charity" -- St. John of the Cross
"A person's a person, no matter how small"
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Bring on 2010!!
The last few weeks have been quite the whirlwind with Christmas, New Year, and the first couple weeks of 2010 so I haven't had the chance to sit down and write too much. It has been full of ups and downs as far as health and packed with only 'ups' when it comes to time with family and friends. I officially have only 2 weeks left on this 4th course. I really can't believe how close I am to finishing up the most aggressive part of this entire treatment. It's unreal to see that light and feel the end. That hasn't made this course physically easier but it is an amazing thing to keep in the back of my mind. The worst will be over soon. As far as side effects, it has been the usual smorgasbord. I have had nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headaches, weakness, and bleeding (I will spare you the details on where...ha). The worst part was the withdrawl I had when coming off a steroid I was taking. It caused insomnia and this incredible pain in my bones and joints, mostly in my legs. The only relief was when I was walking.....so I spent a few sleepless nights, walking around the house......probably terrifying Evan....sorry buddy. Unfortunately, that was at its worst right around New Year's....but, have no fear, I was not going to concede and turn in early. I stayed out and celebrated the onset of 2010. I had to because this is going to be my year, a blessed year, and I wanted to toast to its first few seconds.
Christmas week was amazing, exhausting but amazing. I ate great, had many an amazing conversation, and saw so many faces of those I love.....the people that have been by support, my backbone through this whole fight. I participated in my first Gabler Sibling (siblings-in-law and siblings-in-law to be) Gift Exchange on Christmas Eve. I must admit I was a bit nervous but it was fantastic and I was honored to be part of such an elite group. Warren and I pulled of the feat of both drawing each other. It was also awesome to see Colin and Kathleen (Congrats to your Tide by the way) who made a last minute, and might I say proper decision, to head north for the holidays. Then on Christmas Day, we went to see my mom's side of the family and had an amazing day of laughs, beautiful Irish singing, elf hats, and WelcomeTinis. I can't say enough how much the love of my family has meant to me.
Hanna and I (along with the help of both of our families) also had the chance to get a ton of wedding planning done. We met with cake guys, picture guys, a lovely flower lady, music guys, restaurant guys, ring guys, and some other guys that I'm not even sure what they did.... It felt good to get all of this stuff rolling, but what feels even better is getting closer to April 10th. Hanna has been such a rock through this fight and I can't wait to vow everything to her. Life is good.
Well, that about covers the last few weeks. Happy New Year and may everybody be blessed in 2010.....I can feel it coming. The fight goes on and will keep going on, even when it is most difficult, especially when it is most difficult, becasue that is when friends, family, and faith take over. This month I needed all 3 and, as always, they/we prevailed.
As I am sure everybody is, please send thoughts, prayers, and help to those affected by the tragedy in Haiti. The destruction and loss of life is unreal and puts into perspective how instantly things can change. This is an hour of need for our neighbors to the south.
Much love and know that
ALL Will Be Well
"Giving frees us from the familiar territory of our own needs by opening our mind to the unexplained worlds occupied by the needs of others."
"When the character of a man is not clear to you, look to his friends" --Haitian Proverb
Christmas week was amazing, exhausting but amazing. I ate great, had many an amazing conversation, and saw so many faces of those I love.....the people that have been by support, my backbone through this whole fight. I participated in my first Gabler Sibling (siblings-in-law and siblings-in-law to be) Gift Exchange on Christmas Eve. I must admit I was a bit nervous but it was fantastic and I was honored to be part of such an elite group. Warren and I pulled of the feat of both drawing each other. It was also awesome to see Colin and Kathleen (Congrats to your Tide by the way) who made a last minute, and might I say proper decision, to head north for the holidays. Then on Christmas Day, we went to see my mom's side of the family and had an amazing day of laughs, beautiful Irish singing, elf hats, and WelcomeTinis. I can't say enough how much the love of my family has meant to me.
Hanna and I (along with the help of both of our families) also had the chance to get a ton of wedding planning done. We met with cake guys, picture guys, a lovely flower lady, music guys, restaurant guys, ring guys, and some other guys that I'm not even sure what they did.... It felt good to get all of this stuff rolling, but what feels even better is getting closer to April 10th. Hanna has been such a rock through this fight and I can't wait to vow everything to her. Life is good.
Well, that about covers the last few weeks. Happy New Year and may everybody be blessed in 2010.....I can feel it coming. The fight goes on and will keep going on, even when it is most difficult, especially when it is most difficult, becasue that is when friends, family, and faith take over. This month I needed all 3 and, as always, they/we prevailed.
As I am sure everybody is, please send thoughts, prayers, and help to those affected by the tragedy in Haiti. The destruction and loss of life is unreal and puts into perspective how instantly things can change. This is an hour of need for our neighbors to the south.
Much love and know that
ALL Will Be Well
"Giving frees us from the familiar territory of our own needs by opening our mind to the unexplained worlds occupied by the needs of others."
"When the character of a man is not clear to you, look to his friends" --Haitian Proverb
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Merry Christmas!!!
Well, I can't believe that it is already December 22, Advent is wrapping up, and Christmas is right around the corner. I truly love this time of year.....what with the radio stations playing Christmas music all day, last minute shopping, crazed parents running each other over to buy motorized hamsters, and ABC Family Christmas marathons. Santa Baby starring Jennie McCarthy was my personal favorite this year....haha. And, of course.....this is the best time to reflect on what is important.... our blessings of family, friends, and faith, and to think more soundly about that Little Guy in the manger a couple thousand years ago. My first (of many, many to come) Christmas as a cancer survivor is giving me a whole new perspective on just about everything. Cancer treatment has caused me to slow down my pace this year and I am thankful for that. No more taking life, time, family, or friends for granted because we don't know how things are gonna play out. It is THE great mystery and its pretty exciting to be a part of.
I thought about trying to write a poem to the tune "Twas the Night Before Christmas" but it was'nt working out all that well.....haha.....maybe next year. So, I will just stick to my usual ramblings and quasi-philosophising. As far as my treatment goes, I am two weeks into course 4 (5 more weeks to go!!) It has been more difficult than I had hoped and filled with nausea, exhaustion, and just about everything else. Dr. Claxton expects me to fall a little bit further over the next couple of weeks so it will be back to neutrapenia and high risk of infection and hospitalization. They have also put me back on the chemo drug that caused the tingling neuropathy in my fingers and feet.....but they will keep a close eye on my symptoms. BUT....the good thing is I am still leukemia free and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.....getting brighter by the day. I was lucky enough to meey a young lady yesterday who really gave me something to look forward to. She was diagnosed with ALL 2 and a half years ago and last night was her LAST treatment. She had gone through pretty much everything that I have and she came out healthy and a better person for it. I was so excited for her and it gave me an image that "there is an end" and I can and WILL get there. Quite the Christmas present for her as well.
So, 5 more weeks of pretty agressive treatment and then things should start getting easier permanantly. That will take me into 2010 which will be an amazing year. I get swept off my feet and get to become the husband to the most amazing, beautiful girl there is. I will continue my education and move to a new city. And I will continue to fight this cancer until it is no more. I also signed up with the Leukemia Society to be an Honoroary Teammate for an awesome group that is going to hike the Grand Canyon in May to raise money to stop leukemia in its tracks. I am hoping to make that trip with them....though I may have to rent a mule or something this year. The Eagles are also making their trek toward their first Superbowl victory. Evan, Tyson, Christy, Logan and I made it to the game on Sunday and we made friends with some of the Eagles cheerleaders.....there is visual evidence that I will post on facebook
I hope that this week finds everybody happy, joyous, and with loved ones. Thanks for being my loved ones during this journey. It has been quite the ride and I would have been hapless without you.
Merry Christmas, God bless, and ALL Will Be Well
"And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" --Linus inspired me to use this
I thought about trying to write a poem to the tune "Twas the Night Before Christmas" but it was'nt working out all that well.....haha.....maybe next year. So, I will just stick to my usual ramblings and quasi-philosophising. As far as my treatment goes, I am two weeks into course 4 (5 more weeks to go!!) It has been more difficult than I had hoped and filled with nausea, exhaustion, and just about everything else. Dr. Claxton expects me to fall a little bit further over the next couple of weeks so it will be back to neutrapenia and high risk of infection and hospitalization. They have also put me back on the chemo drug that caused the tingling neuropathy in my fingers and feet.....but they will keep a close eye on my symptoms. BUT....the good thing is I am still leukemia free and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.....getting brighter by the day. I was lucky enough to meey a young lady yesterday who really gave me something to look forward to. She was diagnosed with ALL 2 and a half years ago and last night was her LAST treatment. She had gone through pretty much everything that I have and she came out healthy and a better person for it. I was so excited for her and it gave me an image that "there is an end" and I can and WILL get there. Quite the Christmas present for her as well.
So, 5 more weeks of pretty agressive treatment and then things should start getting easier permanantly. That will take me into 2010 which will be an amazing year. I get swept off my feet and get to become the husband to the most amazing, beautiful girl there is. I will continue my education and move to a new city. And I will continue to fight this cancer until it is no more. I also signed up with the Leukemia Society to be an Honoroary Teammate for an awesome group that is going to hike the Grand Canyon in May to raise money to stop leukemia in its tracks. I am hoping to make that trip with them....though I may have to rent a mule or something this year. The Eagles are also making their trek toward their first Superbowl victory. Evan, Tyson, Christy, Logan and I made it to the game on Sunday and we made friends with some of the Eagles cheerleaders.....there is visual evidence that I will post on facebook
I hope that this week finds everybody happy, joyous, and with loved ones. Thanks for being my loved ones during this journey. It has been quite the ride and I would have been hapless without you.
Merry Christmas, God bless, and ALL Will Be Well
"And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" --Linus inspired me to use this
Friday, December 4, 2009
Good Job, Marrow!
Yesterday was my appointment with Dr. Claxton to discuss the results from my bone marrow biopsy taken at the end of the 3rd course of treatment. I didn't sleep too well the night before and woke up with a huge headache....probably from stress. I am still trying to kick that headache actually. The first bit of good news was when I found out that I had gained a few pounds (gotta celebrate the little victories) so, watch out, soon enough I will be back to my intimidating self. The the doctor came into the room on-time (must have been an alignment of the moons or something). Within the first few minutes of him being in there he mentioned, almost as an aside, that my marrow had come back clean and with no signs of residual leukemia. I instantly let out a huge breath....he must have thought there was a draft of something. I had to ask him to repeat himself and double check just to be sure. He did and I was on top of the world. This basically means that the chemo has been working up to this point and cleared out my marrow of all leukemia. Those are beautiful words. This does not mean that it is all over (not even close, unfortuneately) but it is certainly a very good sign. Things are as positive as they could be up to this point. There is still one more 7-week course of very agressive chemo and then 3 years of monthly maintenance. So, there is still a battle to fight, but we are winning and won't stop until this thing truly regrets the day it chose the Lyons boys.
As I was laying in bed thinking about all this last night (since I couldn't sleep again cause of that headache), it just seemed like very appropriate timing. Advent is all about waiting and appreciating that wait because what is at the end is very worthwhile. That wait can be hard, challenging, and not easy but the finish line offers amazing rewards. Moving on to this 4th course feels like there is a finally a light at the end of the tunnel. Its still small but its getting brighter and I/we (can't do it alone) will follow that light at all costs......sounds like 3 other guys who followed that light 2000 years ago....and that seemed to pay off.
Anyway, that's enough philosophizing for now. I'm just so happy about yesterday's news and energized for the next part of this fight. Thanks for fighting with me. It means everything. No doubt that.....
ALL Will Be Well
"Christmas has lost its meaning for us because we have lost the spirit of expectancy. We cannot prepare for an observance. We must prepare for an experience."
As I was laying in bed thinking about all this last night (since I couldn't sleep again cause of that headache), it just seemed like very appropriate timing. Advent is all about waiting and appreciating that wait because what is at the end is very worthwhile. That wait can be hard, challenging, and not easy but the finish line offers amazing rewards. Moving on to this 4th course feels like there is a finally a light at the end of the tunnel. Its still small but its getting brighter and I/we (can't do it alone) will follow that light at all costs......sounds like 3 other guys who followed that light 2000 years ago....and that seemed to pay off.
Anyway, that's enough philosophizing for now. I'm just so happy about yesterday's news and energized for the next part of this fight. Thanks for fighting with me. It means everything. No doubt that.....
ALL Will Be Well
"Christmas has lost its meaning for us because we have lost the spirit of expectancy. We cannot prepare for an observance. We must prepare for an experience."
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